Love & Sex Introduction: “What Love is, What Love is Not.”

What is Love?

 Love is the truth that silence reveals.  It is constant peace and serenity, which is always within our reach, yet often, goes unrecognized as such.  Love does not want for anything.  It is deliberate, self-satisfying, joyful and  calming.  It is an overwhelming feeling of contentment that everything is exactly as it should be and that we are directly connected to all that exists.  One who has experienced love at this level has a knowing that it is not something, succinctly described by external means or explained in noogenic terms.  It is a warm sensational connection with limitless boundaries larger then anything the mind could create.  Love is energy, free from the resistance of the pain body.  Films, novels and other forms of entertainment seem to invoke deep sentimental romantic feelings and emotions in us.  Located beyond the biochemical reactions that  they stir lies the true natural power of love, its simplicity.  This is a place where the heart feels joy, the spirit and soul are exalted.  Recognizing the energy of love that God produces, that prayer is the appreciation of a bird in flight, a sunset, the sound of the ocean, rain falling upon a roof top, the innocence of a child at play, the observance of a selfless deed or the simplicity of being mesmerized by a campfire.  Love surrounds us; it is available to us everywhere, yet it eludes us.  Why?  Because we have been conditioned to seek it through external pleasures particularly, sensory illusions of the mind.  Love grants us the opportunity to illustrate who we are by aspiring to who we are not.  Love relations give rise to many ills, but also to devastating healings.  Love is capable of enduring tremendous pain and suffering when built on a foundation of mutual trust and respect.

 When love is used as a term of endearment, it has become devoted, arriving with attachments, expectations and endeavors.  It can  end in frustration and hurt feelings.  We live in a culture where love has taken on peculiar meanings, guarantees, everlasting, the word takes the place of reality.  Love becomes a reality when we show caring, compassion, patience, and appreciation, understanding, trust and respect.  Without those ingredients, loves affections can be used as a manipulative tool for self gain.  To experience a healthy love relationship one must create a clear and conscious definition of what love looks and feels like.  What are your wants, needs and desires in a love relationships?  Are they being met?  Do you settle?   What entitles us to define love in our own terms, to hold ourselves and others accountable to those terms? There are as many ways to express love, as there are things to express it to. 

Love is not

Love is not the high produced by biochemical reactions between romantic lovers.  Love cannot be achieved by a bound of commitment; it is not a scorekeeper or a competition of deeds.  Love need not be exalted or confirmed as successful based on the duration of a relationship.  A relationship without integrity has no merit. Love is not something achieved by a coincidental meeting such as love as first sight, although chance can present the opportunity for a love experience. 

Love has no boundaries; its power far exceeds the limits of marriage vows and religious obligations.  There is something to be said about the individual who remains in a relationship out of obligation, willing to forfeit their dreams and happiness for another.  Noble sacrifices do not result in feelings of frustration, pity, anger or hostility.  Tasks performed in the absence of loves energy will appear to be difficult and strenuous labors, while the presence of love’s energy will produce meaningful results effortlessly.

Most every love relationship will be asked to endure hardships; it is not a question of being contrite when facing adversities, but rather who we will be while doing so.  Love may more than once call upon you to show who you are by displaying who you are not.  In times of calamity, when others are distressed, aggressive or hostile, will you join them?  Or will you remain composed, solution oriented, patient, tolerant, and supportive?  Do you feel gratitude for being relied on or frustrated and misunderstood?

 Love is not found in the mind that entertains persuasive absurdities, a heart which desires intimacies of exotic passions, but in the silent reckoning of the souls truth.  Love does not exclude nor does it keep secrets.  Its purposiveness, is all inclusive, free and trusting.   Love is not the beginning or end of anything. It is not dependent or situational.  It exists in a time and place when we are open to receive it.  Love demands nothing of you.  If trust and respect are not given effortlessly then what have you?  

  Our presence speaks volumes about who and what we are, before silence is broken, spiritual principles have been felt, connections have begun.  Most give little attention to such matters, instead we have been conditioned to place a tremendous emphasis on physical attractions; only to end up with a fifty percent divorce rate, most marriages ending in a short period of time.   We tend to live in a disposable society.  It has become more convenient to discard a broken item then to have it repaired.  Relationships seem to be following this trend.  Love is not feeling obligated to hang on to something that is broken.  It is the enthusiastic energy used to resolve conflict and return to a loving state.   

General Info What is Love

While the love addict is generally involved in a relentless search for companionship, the sex addict frequently seeks the pleasures of satisfying their sexual appetite.  The love addict is intrigued, fascinated by the power and control one is willing to succumb to while in the state of arousal. 

The biochemical reactions that take place during the state of arousal affecting mood, thinking and physical conditions are of extreme significance to the addict.  The love addict, in a desperate attempt to feel connected, becomes tolerant of being mistreated.  Often this negative attention is misrepresented and interrupted as affection or being sought after through the eyes of the addict.  The sex addict is not as likely to be as needy or tolerant of mistreating.  The love addicts may become passive aggressive, manipulating situations to meet their expectations where the sex addict can be overpowering, aggressive and abusive.  The sex addict is more interested in the physical conquest of a partner.  The love addict is primarily concerned with fulfilling feelings of belonging and companionship, although nothing is written in stone. 

While as there are specific traits that are witnessed more frequently, distinguishing significant variables between sex and love addicts can be difficult.  The similarities are of particular concern in treating the disorder.  It is necessary to recognize distinct characteristics and patterns of behavior common to the individual in order to establish a treatment plan.  The objective is to pinpoint the precipitators of such behaviors.  In doing so, a strategy can be put into action.

1) Avoid initial triggers when possible

2) Discern through processing

3) Implement alternative plans

4) Include others

” Were Love is Found “

The mind entertains persuasive absurdities, The heart desires intimacies of exotic passions, The soul can only reckon with truth, the silent observe ( RJG). What is your truth.